roommies

i'm lucky in finding my roommates. our boarding house is a bit crowded, in one room there are ten beds available and one cr. during my stay, we only reached up to eight people. even though there are eight girls sharing that room, it was never an inconvenience. i'm a call center agent and i sleep during the day and i work at night. my roommates are professionals, one is an accountant in a reputable company, two are tellers, the other one works in an international company, and the rest are agents like me. we had our schedule for the cr and you are only allowed up to twenty-five minutes of use during weekdays. i am the youngest in the room, i am the official "bunso". they were all kind to me and during my sad and happy times, i'm glad i was with them.

now that i'm starting a new chapter in my life (graduate school), i'm a little sad. i won't be with them anymore because i need to move back to miagao, iloilo. as i was boarding the plane, i can't believe how lucky i was to be with them.

ate fair-- thanks for the therapy, i always look forward to your coming home so we can talk.
ate dolly--thanks for saving me when i only have fifty pesos left on my wallet.
ate maan--i've learn so much from you, i'm sorry if i was able to say goodbye personally.
ate lara--i liked your stories and your fashion sense, please give me your black dress.
ate nhice--you were always nice to me.
ate baging--thanks for opening my account.
ate irene--thanks for the seminar on saving and investment.
ate kit--the the coolest girl ever.
ate tin--i miss you a lot.
ate joy--thanks for introducing sex and the city.
ate leila--i wish i'm as sexy as you.
amilof--thanks for all the help.


i promise to do good in my studies so i can invite you all to my graduation. i love you all, thank you for being my ate.

(kuya louie, our 'pambansang kuya', thanks a lot for the company and your cool music.)

optimistically single

i am single since birth. not that i hate men, but simply the moment did not happen for me. i do love men, i fell for one once when i was in college. it did not work out but it one of my happiest memories, something that will make me smile when i am already in a rocking chair. i love my single life, that is the truth. i have a lot of friends that are married, committed, and have children. i don't envy them. i am not the type who will do something i am not one hundred percent sure.
being single is a blessing and a curse. a blessing in a sense that i can go anywhere and anytime without worrying if my significant other will okay with that. i am a certified "kaladkarin". i go to a lot of places, i love the outdoors and unless the guy is willing to pitch tent with me then we will definitely hit it off.
being single is a curse especially if you a lot of friends and relatives asking when will you get married. when i am with my friends, typical things happen, i tell them i envy them, making pa-cute with the guys, and ask aloud why i am still single. there are really moments that you get lonely and there is a void inside you that cannot filled in by your family and friends. i guess that is the part which should be filled by "someone".
i am not in a hurry, i plan to live my life to the fullest. i will enjoy what life will bring me. i will live, i will laugh, i will learn..and hopefully, fall in love along the way.

proud to be one

May 15 was my last day as a call center agent. After one year and five months of being cursed and shouted at by my foreign customers, I am finally done. I resigned because I'm gonna pursue a different path, graduate studies.

I just like to share my experience as an agent. Contrary to popular belief, the call center industry actually has the brightest people. English is a skill. But when you are arguing about the ten cents that was missing on the customer's account, you just don't need skill, you need logic, tact and patience. they say that a call center agent's job is very easy, you just have to answer the customer's call and your work is done. I beg to disagree. It is more than just answering, you need to solve disputes and if the customer needs to vent out all their frustrations, you're gonna be the perfect person for it. I am grateful for the mute button, although we are not allowed to use it. You are very lucky if you get to have polite customers calling, and it's your lucky day if you get a call from a grandma who can't hear very well and a call from a six year old girl who keeps asking where her dad is.

I went through all that. I can also say that I was not healthy during my call center days. I dont get enough sleep even if I slept for 12 hours already during the day. I don't exercise even on my rest days because I prefer to eat and sleep. I smoke but not the type to go every break. I love beer and have one even if I have a shift later. I was in the emergency room twice because of fever and gastritis. I can't remember how many times I had tonsillitis and I really applaud these effective products: neozep, bactidol, bioflu, skyflakes. these are must have on my bag, wherever, whenever.

I thank our HR for allowing organizations in our work. They wanted agents to have a life other than calls and computers. Their aim is to learn a hobby and teach a hobby. I joined our outdoor club, we climbed mountains, traveled a lot, and attended trainings. I am happy because I just did not learn a hobby but I got friends from different accounts and from different positions. I realized that we are all the same especially if we are on top of the mountain.

I will miss my teammates. The green jokes, the food trip and the beer sessions. We are one hell of team. I learned everything from them. I learned to make calls even if your heart is practically breaking in front of you. I learned that family can mean team. I learned that you can still survive even if you only have fifty pesos in your pockets. I learned that team buildings are really to build teams. I learned that what you believe does not define who you are and what you are is not what you believe.

I will move on now. Hopefully, I am on the right direction. I will be happy, I will be positive. I will be patient and humble and I will not forget that I was a call center agent and a very proud one.

just dive

last may 17 we went to Ibabang Polo, Quezon to celebrate a dear friend's birthday. it took us four hours of van ride and about thirty minutes of walking to get to the place. the place is beautiful, there is a cave you could explore and the water is really deep. the sand is white and water is blue. as we explored the cave, some kids were on top of it and jumped into the water. i would really like to try it except that i have this irrational fear of jumping. the feeling that i am falling and the waiting to touch the surface does not thrill me. still, i wanna try. all friends jumped and suddenly i am the last one that was still standing on top, still hesitating. it was like deja vu again. that situation happened in Guimaras but i was with my college classmate. i did not jump that time. i climbed down feeling like a failure. i don't want that to happen again, second chances rarely comes along..but still my knees were shaking and my heart was beating fast. my friends encouraged me and waited for me to jump. after about an hour of patiently waiting, i did jump. the water was cool. it felt sooo good, it made me cry. i wanna share the words of wisdom that gathered from my sykes outdoor friends:

ms tin: lahat tayo may fear, dapat lang i-confront para mawala.

kuya milmar: parang love lang yan, jump ka lang pero wag mo itutuloy kahit na may 1% hesitation lang.

sir rhone: are you a quitter? because you are a loser now.

kuya pat: don't think, just jump.

rhovee: if you can't do it now, you wont do it ever.

they were kind, they were mean but i love them all. they were there when i jumped. ms tin said not to close my eyes when i jump so i can see everything. i can clearly now.

lea

Who cares - what the cynics say
I care - if only youre on your way
Lea - dont let the same be true
Lea - do you still want me to want you
--Lea, Toto

lea is my friend from college. she was my classmate since first year but we never really became close until we fell for the same guy. the moment i fell for M, she already moved on and was in a relationship. i asked for her blessing (although it was not necessary) to pursue the guy. falling in love with M was hard, it was good that lea was on my side because she knew him well. lea and i were inseparable. she loves coffee, a passion i never shared but appreciated. she loves attention, she shares this knock-knock jokes. she loves butterfly and she would call herself a goddess. after graduation, she left for Indonesia, i missed her terribly. we would chat the night away. remember all the fun we had.

a year ago, i learned something that really broke my heart, literally. we got together because of M, and we fell apart because of M. i stopped talking to her. it was my ego that was hurting. she stayed away, she respected my need for space. she waited until i realized that i am so stupid to let some man stand between our friendship. we went out yesterday, i realized how much i really missed her the moment i saw her. i missed hanging out with her. i remember the time that she made me a sandwich and had me drink milk. i remember our tequila nights. i remember our fishing days. i dont want to lose her again.

lea, im so sorry for being stupid. thanks for being my friend. i love you :)

G

i broke up with my bestfriend G yesterday. it was sad but i think we need some time to be away with each other. we were college classmates, inseparable, and i can say that nobody really knows me like he does. after college, we went separate ways, i missed him the most so when i came to manila, he was one of the reason. i wanted to be with him. i don't get attached to people easily but when i do it is hard for me to let go. i don't want to let him go, he was my connection to the happiest years of my life, he was the one who has seen me wasted, he was the one who carried me when i was too drunk to come home, and he was the one i'm with when i am 10 pesos away from poverty line.

but i need to let him go because i dont deserve him. i am selfish. i now realized that he was always there for me but i wasn't there when he needs me. and even though i understand his desisions, the selfish part of me wants to argue. people change, needs change. i cant accept that i have to share him with others, that i can't give the understanding he needs, and sometimes he just cant be with me.

i gonna let him go, for now. i will still love him, i will still be his friend, that is why i'm gonna let him go.