proud to be one

May 15 was my last day as a call center agent. After one year and five months of being cursed and shouted at by my foreign customers, I am finally done. I resigned because I'm gonna pursue a different path, graduate studies.

I just like to share my experience as an agent. Contrary to popular belief, the call center industry actually has the brightest people. English is a skill. But when you are arguing about the ten cents that was missing on the customer's account, you just don't need skill, you need logic, tact and patience. they say that a call center agent's job is very easy, you just have to answer the customer's call and your work is done. I beg to disagree. It is more than just answering, you need to solve disputes and if the customer needs to vent out all their frustrations, you're gonna be the perfect person for it. I am grateful for the mute button, although we are not allowed to use it. You are very lucky if you get to have polite customers calling, and it's your lucky day if you get a call from a grandma who can't hear very well and a call from a six year old girl who keeps asking where her dad is.

I went through all that. I can also say that I was not healthy during my call center days. I dont get enough sleep even if I slept for 12 hours already during the day. I don't exercise even on my rest days because I prefer to eat and sleep. I smoke but not the type to go every break. I love beer and have one even if I have a shift later. I was in the emergency room twice because of fever and gastritis. I can't remember how many times I had tonsillitis and I really applaud these effective products: neozep, bactidol, bioflu, skyflakes. these are must have on my bag, wherever, whenever.

I thank our HR for allowing organizations in our work. They wanted agents to have a life other than calls and computers. Their aim is to learn a hobby and teach a hobby. I joined our outdoor club, we climbed mountains, traveled a lot, and attended trainings. I am happy because I just did not learn a hobby but I got friends from different accounts and from different positions. I realized that we are all the same especially if we are on top of the mountain.

I will miss my teammates. The green jokes, the food trip and the beer sessions. We are one hell of team. I learned everything from them. I learned to make calls even if your heart is practically breaking in front of you. I learned that family can mean team. I learned that you can still survive even if you only have fifty pesos in your pockets. I learned that team buildings are really to build teams. I learned that what you believe does not define who you are and what you are is not what you believe.

I will move on now. Hopefully, I am on the right direction. I will be happy, I will be positive. I will be patient and humble and I will not forget that I was a call center agent and a very proud one.

just dive

last may 17 we went to Ibabang Polo, Quezon to celebrate a dear friend's birthday. it took us four hours of van ride and about thirty minutes of walking to get to the place. the place is beautiful, there is a cave you could explore and the water is really deep. the sand is white and water is blue. as we explored the cave, some kids were on top of it and jumped into the water. i would really like to try it except that i have this irrational fear of jumping. the feeling that i am falling and the waiting to touch the surface does not thrill me. still, i wanna try. all friends jumped and suddenly i am the last one that was still standing on top, still hesitating. it was like deja vu again. that situation happened in Guimaras but i was with my college classmate. i did not jump that time. i climbed down feeling like a failure. i don't want that to happen again, second chances rarely comes along..but still my knees were shaking and my heart was beating fast. my friends encouraged me and waited for me to jump. after about an hour of patiently waiting, i did jump. the water was cool. it felt sooo good, it made me cry. i wanna share the words of wisdom that gathered from my sykes outdoor friends:

ms tin: lahat tayo may fear, dapat lang i-confront para mawala.

kuya milmar: parang love lang yan, jump ka lang pero wag mo itutuloy kahit na may 1% hesitation lang.

sir rhone: are you a quitter? because you are a loser now.

kuya pat: don't think, just jump.

rhovee: if you can't do it now, you wont do it ever.

they were kind, they were mean but i love them all. they were there when i jumped. ms tin said not to close my eyes when i jump so i can see everything. i can clearly now.

lea

Who cares - what the cynics say
I care - if only youre on your way
Lea - dont let the same be true
Lea - do you still want me to want you
--Lea, Toto

lea is my friend from college. she was my classmate since first year but we never really became close until we fell for the same guy. the moment i fell for M, she already moved on and was in a relationship. i asked for her blessing (although it was not necessary) to pursue the guy. falling in love with M was hard, it was good that lea was on my side because she knew him well. lea and i were inseparable. she loves coffee, a passion i never shared but appreciated. she loves attention, she shares this knock-knock jokes. she loves butterfly and she would call herself a goddess. after graduation, she left for Indonesia, i missed her terribly. we would chat the night away. remember all the fun we had.

a year ago, i learned something that really broke my heart, literally. we got together because of M, and we fell apart because of M. i stopped talking to her. it was my ego that was hurting. she stayed away, she respected my need for space. she waited until i realized that i am so stupid to let some man stand between our friendship. we went out yesterday, i realized how much i really missed her the moment i saw her. i missed hanging out with her. i remember the time that she made me a sandwich and had me drink milk. i remember our tequila nights. i remember our fishing days. i dont want to lose her again.

lea, im so sorry for being stupid. thanks for being my friend. i love you :)

G

i broke up with my bestfriend G yesterday. it was sad but i think we need some time to be away with each other. we were college classmates, inseparable, and i can say that nobody really knows me like he does. after college, we went separate ways, i missed him the most so when i came to manila, he was one of the reason. i wanted to be with him. i don't get attached to people easily but when i do it is hard for me to let go. i don't want to let him go, he was my connection to the happiest years of my life, he was the one who has seen me wasted, he was the one who carried me when i was too drunk to come home, and he was the one i'm with when i am 10 pesos away from poverty line.

but i need to let him go because i dont deserve him. i am selfish. i now realized that he was always there for me but i wasn't there when he needs me. and even though i understand his desisions, the selfish part of me wants to argue. people change, needs change. i cant accept that i have to share him with others, that i can't give the understanding he needs, and sometimes he just cant be with me.

i gonna let him go, for now. i will still love him, i will still be his friend, that is why i'm gonna let him go.

the things i love..

1. my portable player
--i bought it as soon as i got my 13th month pay. i'm dying to buy it for months nowand when i finally got the money, i bought one before i could change my mind. it takes me to places i've never been. right now i love the movie 'definitely, maybe' and i'm watching the anime 'yamato nadeshiko'.

2. twilight book series
--i was one of the millions who got DAZZLED. i think that the love between bella and edward exists. once i loved like bella. giving everything, all out. that was a long time ago. i like edward's character. i like him better in the book than in the movie. but someone like him is really hard to find to find (if not impossible) here on earth. but i found a new love in jacob black's character. when i was scattered to pieces like bella, no jacob came to stitch me whole. i was strong enough to bear the pain and heal myself but still..a little help from someone like jacob could have gone a long way. the ending of the third book (eclipse) crushed me. i cried in the CR. it was unbearable. bella loved edward and jacob, but she chose someone she could not live without and that is edward.
bella: love you, jacob.
jacob: love you more.
i feel like crying again.

3. my newly bought engagement ring
--it is only 190php, i bought from my friend jai. i don't know why but i always wanted to have a ring that looks like an engagement ring. i like it on my finger, shiny and new. it gives me hope that maybe someday , someone would give the real thing to me. i always tell everyone that i don't want to get married. it is true, and i still feel scared of the thought of committing yourself to
one person alone. i do want to have a baby, though, i WANT a baby bad. but i don't think i'm gonna get it free, i think i will get it but i have to get married first because it would not be fair to derive him/her a father. a chance for a real family. the ring i bought will be my chastity ring, a reminder that i won't give myself cheaply. that i am a woman of worth.

episode II

the night she realized her feelings towards matt was night she crumbled. all her sensibilities flew out of the window, out of her soul. she went to bed with a headache. trying to deny it. hoping tomorrow everything will change. she entered her room smelling like beer. her roommate was awoken by her movements and asked her if she was okay. she replied yes. never been this great, she added silently.

she cannot sleep. damn those beers. damn those ciggies. damn me. she turned at the side of her bed and talked to her roommate. if she cannot sleep, nobody will. she asked her roommate about love. right now the girl was contently happy dating someone.

"why the sudden questions?"

"nothing."

"are you with matt?"

"yep."

"then you should tell him how you feel. let’s sleep, we have a quiz tomorrow."

"fuck!"

was i that obvious?? , she thought.

episode I

she was just an ordinary girl. she was nineteen. studying in a good university. have friends . she had a crush or two but nothing serious. she views relationship as a deep pit wherein you are not sure if you’ll get out alive and still in one piece. no, she was not cynical about love. she is just simply a realist. but her world began to crumble when she realized one day that for the first time she was hopelessly and totally in love.

matthew. he was a friend. a good friend in fact. they shared a lot together. from cases of beer to her very first cigarette. music to movies. and secretly they share the passion for the movie "my sassy girl" . they click together. somewhat a soulmate if you’ll put it in a cheesy way.

she cried when she realized the extent of her emotions towards him. she didn’t expect it. she doesnt need this kind of distraction. she was always a practical person. able to control her emotions. but that night she suddenly turned into a maudlin after two bottles of red horse.