BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING

BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING--as forwarded to isdangpeyups.com

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and areconstantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyonedecent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe youlove someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...
.....admit it! you're in this stage of your life too!One day Love and Friendship met. Love asked

Friendship: "Why do you exist if I already exist"? Friendship replied: "To put a smile where you leave tears."

But Love snarled back: "Then why, in the first place, did you ask me to take over you"??

big girls don't cry

i now have a new work, i live in a boarding house and i'm far from my family. it is hard to live alone and take care of yourself. i always thought i'm more than capable of taking care of myself, after all i'm a big girl now..and like fergie says, big girls don't cry. after doing the things you need to do, after a big busy day, you eat your dinner fresh from the microwave while watching tv..at the end of the day, who you'll be with. i love being alone , i always loved my independence, there just these bouts of loneliness when you realized that you can make others stop crying but when you cry, who is there to take the tears away.

tah tah!

i dont know what to write here but i wanna keep my promise of updating this blog at least once a week. this week had been a very busy week. work demands a lot of attention, officemates that you have to tolerate. it makes me wonder how supposed to be adults behave like first grade students. anyway, i'm just so okay today that i don't know what to say..

uh, yeah, i watched "my bestfriend's wedding" yesterday for the nth time and it still made me cry. why didn't they end up together?? hmmm.. i love the soundtract and the part where jules and michael are dancing on the boat.. loving someone who doesn't love you back is painful..

anyway, im gonna end my blog here.. tah tah!

“If you think back and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears either of joy or sadness, consider it wasted.” -- ally mcbeal

i'm so looking forward to 2008. i have a new job, new roommates, new officemates. i am just so grateful for each day that was given to me, to see the sun, breath the air, hang-out with my friends, and eat siomai.

but, of course, i have to talk about the highlights of my 2007.

there are a lot of things that happened to me last year. christmas and new year of 2007 i went home to palawan after 4 years of studying and 6 months of working in iloilo. i have to let go of the "me" in iloilo and face the "me" in palawan. so many things changed. friends got pregnant, got married, separated. some aquintances and close friends got sick and died. new places to visit.. it was as if i'm chasing my old life back but of course that is not the case because that old life is not mine anymore. it was me but not me at all.

job hunting was my main priority. after months of endless search i finally got accepted to work as a research assistant in a remote island. it was a job that i badly needed. i wanted to get away from our home, i was away too long that i don't know how to connect with my family and old friends anymore. i think it was God's will. the island has no electricity, cell signal, and even tricycle. i go to sleep at 7pm and wake up at 6am. at the end of the day i have nothing left to do but sit under the cashew tree and drink coffee. in a situation like that you can't help but think of how you lived your life. the job has to end though, but i will carry memories of the people who touched my soul and me appreciate life better.

i moved to manila after that. worked for another company but have to resign after two months. i don't like people who are exploiting other people. i learned that it is really true that rich people exploit poor people just like in movies and what you see in the news. my innocence was shattered and i have to resign before i drowned in that filthy water. no wonder the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer.

anyway, the new change of environment will do me good. i know that i will be challenged everyday but i need that rush to make me feel alive again. i know that so many things will happen, i will welcome everything.. bad or good, i will just move on, will be firm, will be positive :)