"it is not you, it is me"

i went to SM north edsa yesterday, i went there with a friend who was my classmate in elementary. we never had any communication after highschool and we just learned that we are working in a same company. talk about the world being small. anyway, we had lunch at shakey's and had coffee while burning our lungs out. so many things happened, her fiancee broke up with her, tsk tsk..not the first person that week who broke up with their other half.. and valentine's day is on the way.

im single, and perpetually so. im one of the many(or few?) who are famously tagged as NBSB or no bf since birth. not that my heart bleeds everytime someone points that out. im happy being single but i would like to clear out that im not lesbo(i don't have anything against them), heath ledger's passing made my decision to never marry at all.

my friend was pouring her heart out, asking why men need their space and why do they always have the same lame excuse "it is not you, it is me" . why indeed. it made me remember the time i was crazy in love with somebody..a long long time ago.

it started in my junior year in college, i was 19, too old for a first love. needless to say, it was first and it hit me bigtime. i never thought you could love someone that great, even to a point of losing yourself. i was crazy, so crazy in fact that i just blurted it out to the guy because it is overwhelming. the guy thanked me for loving him, he never said that the feeling was mutual, never said anything to encourage me.and at time time, thank you was enough. we became even closer after that, damn i loved him well.

but it wasn't enough because he fell for someone. he was man enough to tell it to me personally and even said sorry while holding me tight. it hurt like hell. it hurt for days, the days became months, the months became years.. and the years continued until today. i guess all the ciggies and bottles of beer wasn't enough to erase the pain of rejection. he also said the same lines.."not you, it's me.." but his line wasn't finished yet, the next line was "im sorry i can't give you the love you need.."

"what did you do?" my friend asked. "i cried and cried until there was no tears left to cry. then moved on with my life." cliche as it may sound, it was my answer..